Have you ever said something so stupid that halfway through the words spilling from your mouth you actually think to yourself, "That has to be the dumbest thing you have ever said!"? I have, and it's a humbling experience.
This whole weekend (it's Sunday afternoon now) I have been without internet service or it has been at best unreliable. Charter is infuriating, but they require a whole other blog themselves. My Scentsy business that I handle from my home office requires internet to place my customer's orders, check and respond to emails, etc. This happened to be a weekend where I needed to place a large order, and several other tasks online. Without service, I was becoming more and more distraught by the hour. I blame part of it on my withdrawal from Facebook, but again...a separate post. Service was up briefly yesterday morning, enough for me to key in and all but hit the SUBMIT button. Then, the connection is lost. *sigh* After banging my head on my desk for a few minutes, I recovered, reminding myself that nothing would be shipped til Monday anyway. So I spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and playing with the boys.
Fast forward to bedtime. We had arrived home from church choir practice and GLORY! I had internet! The hubby bathed the boys and read to them while I finished my work. He told them I would be up to sing as soon as I was done. It hadn't been 5 minutes before Candy Man decided that I wasn't coming fast enough and a shrill scream and tears would hasten my appearance. It worked, but my mood was anything other than sing-songy when I arrived. I yelled, Hubby yelled and Candy Man received a stern lecture about not using those measures to beckon me and I was busy. Then it happened. The most asinine words ever uttered spilled from my mouth...
"I need to send these emails and now I probably don't have an internet connection!"
Seriously. His response only drove the nail into my heart further..."I just wanted you to sing to me because I love you." he said through his tears. Yes, do not fret readers....my head hung in shame for the rest of the night. Had he asked for a pony in that moment my only response would have been, "What color?!"
It was a blessing to me though to realize how out of whack our priorities can be during the day. We rationalize that work is important because it helps to feed and clothe them. That cleaning is important to maintain a home with no germs, to keep them happy and healthy. Although these reasons do have some merit, there is a fine line between "Mommy, will you color with us?" and being in the middle of cooking dinner, as opposed to "Mommy, will you color with us?" and making an excuse why you can't so you can catch up on more Facebook time.
As mothers who chose to work at home it's easy for us to feel that we spend 24/7 with our children, but how much of your day is time with our children?
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